Christmas Eve

On the 17th December, I turned 34 and when I think about the fact that I am really this old I feel scared. Don't get me wrong - I don't mind turning 34, I like being in this age and I feel confident and calm within myself - it's just so hard to grasp all the time that has just come and went again. I can not believe that it is over 15 years ago that I moved out from my mom and step dad to go to a school where I would study art for two years. 17 years old I was. I had red colored dreadlocks, jeans that were broken in a grunge kind of style, a shirt, a vest and a bandana. I was a bit scared to move away from home, but I think I was most of all releaved since my mom was in and out of mental institutions all the time. She came home feeling pretty good, but after a couple of days she always started getting weird and wander around the apartement asking the same questions over and over and over, with her shaking hands, her battered body and her hair that grew more and more grey every day.
It was a crazy time - pardon my joke - living with a crazy mom at the age of 14 - 17. I was pretty glad to move away and start my own life, even if I felt like I betrayed my little brother leaving him behind as I left.
To make a long story short - I moved out of the cuckoo's nest and I started my own life and now I'm 34 and I have done all these things and I have seen the years come and go and I sometimes feel a total panic crawling over me when I think about the time and how f***ing fast it flies...
I talk to guys at work that are 18 - 23 and I suddenly remember that I am more than 10 years older than them...and it just feels weird...

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and we're going over to my wife's mom to have dinner and a drink and hang out for a couple of hours and I hope it doesn't turn out the way it did last year where mother in law got stressed out and had a baaad temper...

I have worked my last day for a week now and I will thoroughly enjoy being free. I will read, play the piano and practice playing the bass for my next recording session in Stockholm at the end of January.
I listened to Arcade Fire "Neon Bible" fora while today and I love the production of it...if I could ever do something that good...!
If there is anyone reading this blog (except for my wife) I say "Merry Christmas" to you. Hope you have a good one!
P.S. Be kind to each other, you never know if it's your last christmas together. I miss celebrating with my mom.